I have been in the worst of moods lately, a terrible funk, distancing myself from those I am closest to ... perhaps it's my depression sneaking back up on me, or possibly just an overactive moment of OCD. You see, once I get a thought in my mind, I can't seem to shake it. So when my emotions start to roll in another direction, away from the life I am living - I tell myself that God must be telling me something. He must be warning me that "I'm unhappy, and should run away." I've done A LOT of running away in the last 13 years because I thought God was telling me to. Some of the running was in the right direction, other times I later felt regret... So, how in the world do we figure out what God is actually telling us to do?!
I've been asking myself recently, what is your purpose in life? What are your core values? During a work conference this past week, I heard, "Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with YOUR true principles and YOUR values, and in no other way." Certainly, my behavior, actions, and thoughts the past few weeks were not in harmony with my principles and values. God wouldn't want that. God would not make me feel something that would tempt me to go against all of my beliefs. He would never encourage that. If I trust in God, he'll get me through these emotions and lead me appropriately in whatever direction He wants me to go. He'll do it the right way, not Satan's way.
I've let Satan take control recently - and I, with my faith in God, need to climb back up out of this hole and back into the light.... I have not yet figured out how I am going to do that. But I have discovered that acknowledgment is the beginning. I can no longer just run, I must grow. Once I do, God will lead me exactly where I am meant to go next, and it will be invigorating.
I've just started a book - one God led me to, called "Managing Your Emotions, Instead of Your Emotions Managing You" by Joyce Meyer. I am only on page 17 - but I know that it's going to help me see the light a little more clearly.
I'd like to leave you with one key point from the book that I'm already taking away:
"There are times when the Holy Spirit is leading us to do something, our emotions become involved, so we get all excited about doing it. The emotional support helps us feel that God really does want us to do the thing. We perceive the emotional support to be confirmation of God's will.
At other times, the Lord will move us to do a certain thing, and our emotions will not want anything to do with what God is revealing to us and asking us to do. They give no support at all.
At those time it is harder to obey God. We are very dependent upon emotional support. If we lack understanding about the fickle nature of emotions, Satan can use them - or the lack of them - to keep us out of God's will. I firmly believe that no person will ever walk in God's will and ultimately in victory if he takes counsel with his emotions."
So - with that said, my emotions can't be trusted these past few weeks. Satan has taken complete advantage of that and led me far from God's will. God would never lead me to His Will by making me go against everything I stand for, Satan would. My prayer to God is to lead me back to Him and forgive me for straying...