Managing Your Emotions

I have been in the worst of moods lately, a terrible funk, distancing myself from those I am closest to ... perhaps it's my depression sneaking back up on me, or possibly just an overactive moment of OCD. You see, once I get a thought in my mind, I can't seem to shake it. So when my emotions start to roll in another direction, away from the life I am living - I tell myself that God must be telling me something. He must be warning me that "I'm unhappy, and should run away." I've done A LOT of running away in the last 13 years because I thought God was telling me to. Some of the running was in the right direction, other times I later felt regret... So, how in the world do we figure out what God is actually telling us to do?!

I've been asking myself recently, what is your purpose in life? What are your core values? During a work conference this past week, I heard, "Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with YOUR true principles and YOUR values, and in no other way." Certainly, my behavior, actions, and thoughts the past few weeks were not in harmony with my principles and values. God wouldn't want that. God would not make me feel something that would tempt me to go against all of my beliefs. He would never encourage that. If I trust in God, he'll get me through these emotions and lead me appropriately in whatever direction He wants me to go. He'll do it the right way, not Satan's way.

I've let Satan take control recently - and I, with my faith in God, need to climb back up out of this hole and back into the light.... I have not yet figured out how I am going to do that. But I have discovered that acknowledgment is the beginning. I can no longer just run, I must grow. Once I do, God will lead me exactly where I am meant to go next, and it will be invigorating.

I've just started a book - one God led me to, called "Managing Your Emotions, Instead of Your Emotions Managing You" by Joyce Meyer. I am only on page 17 - but I know that it's going to help me see the light a little more clearly.

I'd like to leave you with one key point from the book that I'm already taking away:

"There are times when the Holy Spirit is leading us to do something, our emotions become involved, so we get all excited about doing it. The emotional support helps us feel that God really does want us to do the thing. We perceive the emotional support to be confirmation of God's will.
At other times, the Lord will move us to do a certain thing, and our emotions will not want anything to do with what God is revealing to us and asking us to do. They give no support at all.
At those time it is harder to obey God. We are very dependent upon emotional support. If we lack understanding about the fickle nature of emotions, Satan can use them - or the lack of them - to keep us out of God's will. I firmly believe that no person will ever walk in God's will and ultimately in victory if he takes counsel with his emotions."

So - with that said, my emotions can't be trusted these past few weeks. Satan has taken complete advantage of that and led me far from God's will. God would never lead me to His Will by making me go against everything I stand for, Satan would. My prayer to God is to lead me back to Him and forgive me for straying...

I Can Only Imagine... Part 2

Because I was in a hurry yesterday I didn't elaborate on some of the other things that were also going through my mind. These thoughts are still present and have not gone away. As I stood there singing the hymnals my mind was also focused on being thankful for the little things. I can't describe why, but the fact that Jason was standing next to me singing the music made me happy. It felt nice to know that he was not just standing there, but instead he was letting God's words flow freely through him. Strange, but I think it might have bothered me had he stood there silent. I also enjoyed how he held my hand throughout the entire service, and every time he squeezed it I knew it was his way of showing his emotion to me during certain moments. Several times we exchanged glances and when we talked later, we found out, we were thinking the exact same things. These are the little moments that make life worth living - and so many times we ignore them when they happen.

The fact that today he has the song "I Can Only Imagine" stuck in his head, and we keep finding ourselves singing it - and then saying "I love you" tells me we are on the same page ... funny how as time passes, you think you might be drifting apart because there are so many moments you are each doing your own thing, but in fact, you are drifting closer together as one! That's exciting!! And, I today, am so thankful.

We both talked about how life is so short, we need to stop sweating the small stuff. We talked about how one day, we want our kids to think back about how much we taught them and more importantly how much we loved them and taught them to love one another and God. I've found myself worried from time to time that Jason and I don't go to church and have a church family. We've both been exposed to so many hypocritical people who only follow God on Sundays so we were having a hard time in this area. But, I realize that God is leading us where we should be. He gives us moments like yesterday. He opens our hearts to His glory. And, even though we don't have a church yet, He'll be leading us the whole time.

Today I am so excited to be alive. I am so fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life. Jason and I are so blessed to have found each other after all the roads we have both been down. God's plan for me has been amazing. My heart is so open right now, I can't even describe all I am feeling.

Jason and I have been reflecting on the song and this weekend. And we've grown closer yet again. Today he said, "I can only imagine our future together and having kids with you one day." I am enjoying the present and looking forward to all that is to come. Recognize the little things - life is full of them!

I Can Only Imagine...

Today I accompanied Jason, my boyfriend, to a funeral of a long time family friend. Unfortunately I had never gotten to know this man we went to see laid to rest. As we drove to the church, my expectations were just really to be there for Jason - I didn't realize how much attending this service would affect me. The moment we sat down, I began to look through the pamphlet at what was to come, and felt a wave of emotion come over me. I sat and watched this man's wife and their two daughters smile as they hugged everyone, and began to dread the day that I will be in the same position. Immediately, everyone who I had ever lost flashed through my mind, and both my grandfathers were present in my mind.

We sang Amazing Grace, and I learned more about the man I was there to pay my respects to. He was a marine in the Vietnam War, brilliant, and a devoted husband and father. What struck me the most was how everyone spoke of his Faith. Even though he was dying of cancer, he was content knowing that he was living out the plan God had for him, and if dying now was part of the plan, so be it, he was ready.

Then it happened. A woman from the back of the room stood, microphone in hand, and prepared to sing the song, "I Can Only Imagine." She asked us to focus on the portrait of Jesus above the alter, remember all those that we've lost and really listen to the words of the song. I've heard the song many times, and love it, but today - it came to life....

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

But it didn't end there. After I watched Marines salute him, listened to the guns, and watched them present his wife with a flag, I continued to think about both of my grandfathers. I thought about the sacrifices and awful things one of my grandfathers faced during World War II. My heart was crying out for God to comfort me.

And then, the following song was played and the lyrics spoke right to my heart.... For all of the loved ones you have lost - Let the following words sink in:

Our prayers have all been answered. I finally arrived.
The healing that had been delayed has now been realized.
No one's in a hurry. There's no schedule to keep.
We're all enjoying Jesus, just sitting at His feet.


Chorus: If you could see me now, I'm walking streets of gold.
If you could see me now, I'm standing strong and whole.
If you could see me now, you'd know I've seen His face.
If you could see me now, you'd know the pain is erased.
You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place,
If you could only see me now.


My light and temporary trials have worked out for my good,
To know it brought Him glory when I misunderstood.
Though we've had our sorrows, they can never compare.
What Jesus has in store for us, no language can share. (Chorus twice)


You wouldn't want me to ever leave this perfect place
If you could only see me now
If you could see me now
If you could only see me now

--------- God is taking care of all of us... You just have to believe.... I felt God reach out to me today, and He asked me to not take a single moment for granted, but to also have Faith in his Will....