Last night I had my first breakdown of this second pregnancy. I had a moment of thinking that as a mom to only boys, that they would grow up viewing me as only the woman who would do their laundry and have their food on the table. I watched my sweet 16 month old boy play, running back to me periodically to give me a kiss, and I thought to myself, "This won't last.... soon I'll just be 'Mom.' The one who harps on him to pick up his room and hurry to the supper table."
My husband pressed to figure out why I was crying. Though I knew he wouldn't understand or he'd try to fix it before I was ready to be fixed, I unloaded. "I want to be a stay at home mom. I don't want to go out of town every month and leave my kids at home once they are in school. Soon, they'll just be doing everything with you and I'll just be the cook...." That sobbing continued for much longer than I'll let on.
Before I knew it, I was over it and my husband and I continued playing with our little man on the living room floor. By 1 am we had constructed the coolest matchbox track ever! We have more plans for that track too... paint, ramps, bridges, and other items to help it to resemble a real town.
Then it hit me. Growing up I was a tomboy. I played with matchbox cars and with dirt. I wasn't sure I wanted kids because I didn't know if I would know how to be a mom to little girls. Now, God has put me exactly where I am supposed to be. With two boys that need a mom who will be able to relate to them. A mom who will sit up until 2 am painting acrylic on their racetrack so they won't smash it by mistake. I don't hunt. I love the outdoors but, I can't bring myself to kill anything. But, as my husband reminded me - when he takes the boys hunting, he wants me to come too so they can each be in their own tree stand with one of us. That I'll do! I will get on the four wheeler with them, I'll play in the woods and the dirt with them, I'll stomp in the creek with them, and I won't spend a minute worrying about whether my hair looks good or my makeup is on.
I'll let them be boys. And, I'll also teach them how to be men. I will teach them to make their beds, cook, clean up the dishes, and run a load of laundry. With my husband, I'll help them to become strong men and also very resourceful future husbands or happily single men - whichever they may choose. I've been placed in these shoes for a reason, and I won't take that lightly. I vow to live the life I was given with gusto, enjoy each and every moment, and just be mommy!